They Can Do It!

My husband tells me I work too hard. When I have a bad day and lament how hard it is to get the million things I need to do done, he says I need to "utilize my resources" more efficiently. He's not being snide, he simply intends to say "make your day easier by putting those boys to work!" He is right and I know it. It's a case, however, of easier said than done.

In the evenings when we are scrambling to get dinner on the table and one of them demands, "Aren't you forgetting my milk?" my tendency is to respond "Is that how you ask?" or "Where's the please?" while simultaneously trudging to the fridge for the milk, and to the cabinet for cups. His reaction is to say "Hey buddy, if you are in such a hurry for milk why don't you go get the milk and the cups out yourself." They gladly do it, and it is one less thing for me to do before getting to sit down to my own dinner. Makes perfect sense, but it just doesn't come naturally.

It's not unreasonable to expect a six and a five year old to do a few things to help out around the house. There are so many reasons to teach them this. Not the least of which is to have their future wives thank me for raising boys (men? gulp) who can do their own laundry and pick their socks off of the floor. If I manage that I will have succeeded somewhat as a mother. Yet, I find myself struggling to let them help. Sometimes it's because I'm in a hurry. Kid help is less than ideal. They don't stay on task, they want to do things that are above their ability, and so many days my patience is spent and I answer their "Mommy can I help you?" with a suggestion to go play in the playroom. Because if I'm honest the most helpful thing in that moment seems to be quiet.

Completely contradictory to my behavior, I do want them to have responsibilities. I want to teach them that families work together to get things done. It's not all Mommy's job to do the folding, and scrubbing and picking up toys. Due to an effort to correct my "do it all myself" mentality, my eyes have recently been opened. Not long ago I was heading out the door to run an errand and said to the 6 year old "Hey dude, do you think you could unload the dishwasher for mom?" He immediately jumped into action and as I was walking out the door he already had the step stool out and was putting away the cups. I was completely taken aback because I fully expected my request to be answered with whining, or "that's hard," or similar. Surprisingly, I came home to an empty dishwasher and a cleared off table. They can do it! I have to let them.

I am not sure why I got bogged down with the doing it all for the kids syndrome. Maybe it was because I had my four boys all in the span of five years. They were all very little and I had to do everything for them. Being a creature of habit I simply kept doing it. Now times are changing and they aren't babies anymore. They can do age appropriate chores.Not that they'll be doing their own laundry or mopping the floor any time soon, but I am discovering that a six year old can unload the dishwasher, a five year old can set the table. They can put their own dishes in the sink when they finish eating. The three year old can pull up his own pants after he goes potty. It's those little things that I can teach them to do to make my day run smoother. Most importantly it will free up a few precious minutes for Mommy to play with her boys.

I confess I'm not completely there yet. I'm a work in progress. You'll still find me holding back the urge to help that three year old pull up his pants when I know I could get it done faster and straighter. I struggle with the job not getting done correctly, or in a timely fashion. However, tonight when asked, "Can I help with dinner?" I resisted saying "wouldn't you rather go play?"

Still on my list to work on is how to motivate the boys when they aren't so willing, when they whine or have a bad case of the I don't want tos. That is a task left to another day. For today I will celebrate the victories of baby steps toward more independent children, and go load that empty dishwasher.

An original Deep South Moms post.When Rebecca is not trying to figure out how to just let the boys help her, she blogs about everything else they do at Life With Boys.

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Posted by Rebecca on November 11, 2008 at 05:00 AM in Rebecca | Permalink

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Comments

Amy@UWM said...
Please do my daughters a favor and continue to let your boys do for themselves!!!! Seriously, it's not just a boy thing. I struggle with this with my girls as well as my husband. It does seem easier in the short run to do everything myself.
Reply November 11, 2008 at 05:40 PM Sue @ My Party of 6 said...
So true! I do the same and I think it's because I had so many close together, I treated them all the same. But at no. 3's kindergarten conference last week, I heard that I need to teach him to be more independent, so I need to learn this lesson too!
Reply November 12, 2008 at 06:45 AM Megan said...
Good for you, and your husband, for teaching your boys to help out! My parents' divorce a long time ago was largely influenced by the fact that my father did not help out around the house (he was not expected to help out when he was growing up), and when I dated a guy who showed similar behavior patterns I realized the amount of stress it can create. They will be so much better off when they're on their own if they've built these good habits from a young age. I get what you're saying about it being more work sometimes when they help, but please, for the sake of women everywhere, keep it up!